


You Never Said Goodbye

by Sylvia Tilly (Effie_Peletier)



Category: star trek discovery
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pain, Star Trek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 19:51:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18676321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Effie_Peletier/pseuds/Sylvia%20Tilly
Summary: Now in the future Tilly starts to think about him...





	You Never Said Goodbye

Tears in her eyes as she said goodbye to all she knew. To all she had ever thought she would know. They were heading to a new place; a new time and she wasn’t sure if she was quite ready for what that meant. Of course, she had the people she cared about around her – well all but one. He couldn’t have come with them though, he had too much on his shoulders, too many other things to be doing with the rest of his life than sacrificing it all to come with them. She would have asked him to come – of course she would have, but she knew he would have said yes, and there was no way she would be able to forgive herself if she deprived Starfleet of Christopher Pike. He was the best of them, the Admiral had said that, and Tilly firmly believed that as well. Pike would show the future captains of Starfleet how it was supposed to be done and that’s why she knew that she couldn’t ask him. 

Her mind went back to when she had been running around the ship, asking people if they were willing to stay, some already guessing her question and answering before she had said anything. After Burnham’s emotional little talk on the bridge, which Tilly had missed, there was no way that Tilly was going to let her go alone into this future. Even if it had been just Tilly going with her. There was a split second moment before all the chaos happened that Tilly had bumped into Pike, her heart had skipped a little and a goofy grin had ran over her face before she realised that smiling whilst they were in this much danger probably wasn’t the best look, so she had straightened it out before they had started speaking. It was fast but needed, just a simple,  
“Keep doing what you’re doing Ensign, good luck.” He had said, with a small touch to her shoulder.  
That had made her smile again, she had responded with a quick  
“Anything for you Captain. I hope I see you again…someday.” There was a moment, one long pause between them as their eyes had met, his hand still on her shoulder, where she imagined staying with him, dared to think that there was something more than they were saying. Something unspoken - and then lights had started flashing and they both had to snap back into action. That was it. That was her last memory of him, and now, looking into this wormhole, she knew that she would never actually get to say the words she wanted to say. That she needed to say, and it hurt more than she thought it would. 

“Personal Log of Ensign Sylvia Tilly, USS Discovery – it has been 35 days since our trip into the future.” She paused, looking around her quarters and sighing slightly.  
“Let’s just say it’s not what I expected. Everything here is almost the same as what we left behind – although some things have changed, Earth especially has… but the rest of it, its still here. We of course must conceal ourselves. This future Starfleet can never find out who we are or what we have done because it will cause utter chaos. Them knowing that we time travelled, and we have a spore drive that can hop us around galaxies – could you imagine what kind of mess that would get us into?” a chuckle falls from her lips as she imagines the admirals hurriedly trying to cover everything up.  
“I looked you up, I looked everyone up, but you were the first. I needed to see what you had done with yourself. What you had achieved since we left you. I’m happy to see that you turned into the man I knew you would be – the man I already thought you were. Admiral Christopher Pike – “she paused, smiling to herself.  
“For me, its only been 35 days since I saw you… for you… well… you passed a long time ago. I – I wish I had asked you Chris, I wish I had told you what we were planning. Then you could have been here – with us… with me – “another pause as she swallowed hard. 

“I know I never said anything, neither did you and it’s fucking stupid for me to even imagine that I would be any where on your radar as anything more than the annoying, talkative curly haired weirdo in the corner of the bridge, but fuck I wish I had. All those moments where we sat and talked, all the nights we gazed into the stars without a word. I never told anyone about those times. They were for us and will remain ours, but I had hoped you understood what those times meant to me – what you meant to me… what you will forever mean to me Chris…” a gentle tear rolled down her cheek as she thought back to the times she had snuck away from her quarters to meet him on the observation deck, or the mess hall. Private moments. They had started off as her asking him questions about being a captain – usually at regular times of the day, until one night she hadn’t been able to sleep, and she had wondered to the observation decks and found him there. They had talked all night, about everything. Family, life, friends the list kept going. They had even fallen into a talk about when their last sexual experience was… they had shared things that night that Tilly would have never thought she would say to a captain. They had formed an unspoken friendship that only happened when they were both off duty. So, they were just regular Chris and Sylvia. Nothing more than two people talking. Tilly couldn’t help herself though, whilst on the bridge she would try and talk to him, try to engage him and laugh with him – flirt even. Most of the time it failed, there were more important things to deal with at the time, but he would always tease her about it that night when they met up. My god did she love that. 

“Personal Log of Ensign Sylvia Tilly, USS Discovery – its been 257 days since we left, but today is a day of celebration! Hugh and Paul got married today! We had a massive ceremony with cake and all of the mushrooms we could replicate.” She chuckled lightly at the thought.  
“Their vows were beautiful, I’m not ashamed to say that I cried. You would have loved it Chris, I’m sure you may have even shed a tear too.” A smile at the thought before she softened again.  
“It didn’t say on your file if you ever got married… I hope you did – or at least found someone that you fell in love with, lived with, experienced things with. You deserve happiness. I really hope you had happiness…” Tilly trailed off thinking to herself. 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to find anyone. Not here. There’s too much history with me. I’m never going to become a Captain as we’re no longer part of Starfleet so there’s that dream dashed, all I can do now is see if there is a way to get back to you. A way to get everyone back to the people they love… but right now I don’t see it happening. We have tried to see if L’Rell’s bloodline continued but without access to Starfleet data we can’t investigate anything else, we would have to fly there – and Discovery is not in the best shape. It is still being repaired from the battle – so we will have to wait and see what happens. But I will try Chris. Even if you rebuff me when we get back – I will tell you. I will tell you everything.” 

“Personal Log of Sylvia Tilly, USS Discovery – its been 600 days since we left. The ship is in tatters and as much as we have tried to save it, we cannot. We found a planet yesterday that is hospitable, we would be the first to settle there so we can live in peace. Start again. The plan is to use the ship to create our homes, to power all we need. The discovery will still be our home, I will still have her to remember you by.” A pause and a swallow.  
“I miss you.”

“Personal Log of Sylvia Tilly, - its been 1459 days – almost 4 years. When I put it like that, it’s nothing. But for you – “ she paused, sighing slightly. 

“You want to know something I realised the other day… something that took me 4 years to think of… something so menial in the grand scale of things that I shouldn’t even be worrying about it now – but I can’t help my brain from thinking it. Can’t stop myself from crying when I think that we, I – you, you never said goodbye.” A tear fell from her lashes as the words spilled from her lips. 

“Goodbye Chris.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought! :D


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